“Hey, watch where you’re going?”

Stephen just got shoulder-checked by some asshole while walking to get lunch.

“U mad bro?” The asshole responded.

“Yeah, I’m mad!”

“Y u mad bro?”

Stephen took a moment to think and then answered.

“I’m mad because my whore of a wife is at home fucking whoever fucking the mailman while I’m out here working my ass off.”

“And wat u gonna do ‘bout it bro?”

“I’m going to go home and handle it.”

Stephen hailed a cab home and opened his front door. As soon as he stepped in, he heard echoes of his wife’s moans.

He grabbed a knife from the kitchen and stabbed his wife and her lover hundreds of times, after which, he passed out.

He woke, handcuffed to a hospital bed, clothes stained with blood, and the police waiting to question him. When asked if he remembered what happened, he told them that the last thing he remembered was being shoulder-checked and some douche asking him if he was mad.

Unfortunately for Stephen, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

You see, the douche that bumped into Stephen was Connor and, for some inexplicable fucking reason, developed a gift that makes people act on their worst desires.

Connor wasn’t born with this gift, nor did he earn it. He discovered it when he intentionally bumped into Randy at the gym.

He said, “what the fuck is your problem?” and Conner responded “U Mad Bro?” Randy proceeded to have the same response as Stephen from earlier and slammed a 100lbs dumbbell on Kyle’s foot while he was in the middle of deadlifting 450lbs. Kyle’s back snapped like a stubborn wishbone.

Randy had words with Kyle earlier in the day about his constant yelling and grunting whenever he was deadlifting and after Randy handled his problem, he passed out, unable to remember what happened when he regained consciousness.

Conner has used his gift multiple times, most likely causing the death of dozens.

Now back at the gym, Conner is eyeing his next target, Anthony.

Connor moves in on Anthony like a shark moving in on its prey and he shoulder-checks him, hard.

“What the fuck is your problem, bro?” Connor says, foaming at the mouth.

Anthony responds, “U Mad Bro?”

Connor’s lips, moving as if they had a mind of their own, say “Yeah, I’m mad. I hate my ugly dick. Every single time I’m about to get some snatch, the bitch always laughs when she sees my dick. I’m fucking pissed, bro.”

“Bro, what the fuck are you going to do about it?”

“I’m gonna fucking handle it, bro,” Connor answers enthusiastically and walks over to the cable crossover machine, unzips his pants, and takes his ugly dick out.

Connor wakes up in the hospital, unaware of how he got there, and with a nephrostomy catheter attached to his body.