My name is Saul Spundit, I live off the coast of Romania with my wife of 7 years and our 4 children. We live a happy life… for the most part. One day my eldest daughter asked me, “Papa, can we get an eel?” she said this while holding a 5 dollar gift card to PetSmart. This was crazy to me because there is no PetSmart in Romania there is only Petmart. So I didn’t quite know how she got the gift card but I could immediately sense a foul presence. I told her, “Daughter I’m sorry but eels are at least 10-100 lei and we simply can’t afford that with your brother’s wedding coming up.” Upon hearing this my daughter shrieked like she always does when she doesn’t get her way, however, there was something different to this shriek. It was almost like there was a chorus of whales harmonizing with her voice. I didn’t think anything of it at the time but then I realized my daughter’s allergic to whales. How could she be singing with them? This was the first of many strange events.
It was the next day that things started getting really fishy ;). My daughter once again approached me asking for an eel but this time she held 2 PetSmart gift cards each. One in each hand, both totaling 10 dollars. And on top of that, she didn’t ask for just any regular eel. Oh no, she asked for the Gregorian Eel. Upon her utterance of this, all of the candles in the room got snuffed out and the door slammed shut. “Honey, what are you saying?” I asked. Upon inquiring about this she shrieked once more and her head snapped back 90 degrees. Almost immediately after, a long slithering black thing emerged. It was at this point that I began to become concerned about my once lovely daughter. It took approximately 6 minutes for the eel to fully emerge from my daughter’s mouth. Now I was as we say in Romania Spitballing here, but the Eel looked to be 9 feet in length, with 17 rows of teeth, and get this, NO eyes. I could tell he was endemic to the coast of Romania, but how did he get into my home? Better yet, how did he get into my daughter?
As soon as the eel fully emerged my daughter fell to the ground. She started slithering like an eel. An uninformed reader might say, “She was doing the worm” but in fact, she was doing… THE EEL. She “slithered” into her bubblegum pink Barbie room. But when I looked back down to where the eel once lay it was gone. I didn’t really know what to do, but against all better judgment, I knocked on my daughter’s door to check up on her. She let me in and said, “Papa can we get an eel?” holding up 3 PetSmart gift cards all totaling 15 dollars. The 3rd one was in her mouth, so you’d think it would be hard to understand her but in fact, it was clear as Romanian day. It was at this moment that I said yes.
All of a sudden my vision went totally and completely blue almost like the ocean. I tried to squirm and writhe out of this situation asking for help from God almighty, but it seemed like God was unimpressed. The Gregorian chants filled my ears somehow… How do I put this? Eel-Like? What was once the holiest of all chants carried the same foul undertones of the eel. The chants had become deafening at this point I covered my ears to no avail. I could make out the faint silhouette of my daughter, but that was not my daughter. That was the Gregorian eel. It was then a voice that somehow overpowered the chanting spoke to me. “ar aris is, rats ar aris gat’atsebuli PetSmart ”. As the chants began to fade into white noise I was struck with inspiration and began to compose in the ancient Romanian art of Haikyu.
9 feet long with lots of teeth
Holy shit an eel”
And now I am as I am, Precisely as I must be. I have become an eel. So anyways here’s a selfie…
Tu fui, ego eris