It's so, so disgusting.

It feels like a soaked sponge. The skin, the fat, so heavy and full of these little incisions. I hate it. I want it gone, but nothing makes them go away.

My boyfriend hates it. I know he does. He won't admit it, but I can see the women he checks out, I can see their slim, perfect legs. And I can see my fat, ugly sponge legs.

I can't wear shorts, or dresses or skirts. No swimsuits or bikinis. Then everybody would see. Everybody would know. That's too embarrassing. I don't want anybody to know how ugly I truly am.

A pantyhose is suggested to me. I try it, but even the thickest I can find isn't able to cover up the shame.

Losing weight, they say, is the solution. 145 pounds, too fat. 130 pounds, too fat. They're still there. The sponge is still wrapped around my body. 110 pounds, too fat. I feel as if I'm getting fatter – It's getting worse. It's growing like a weed. It's fast. It's wrapping itself around my arms, my stomach, my back. I need it gone. It doesn't work. I'm stressed, I'm scared, I hate my body. What else can I do?

They'll go away, eventually. They'll fade. Or so I'm told. I hate them. I don't want to wait that long. I can't do it, I don't have years to spare. I need them gone. Now. I can't enjoy my youth with this ugly skin, not when there are all these pretty, skinny girl with their perfect, smooth legs out there. I can't be close to them. People will notice how disgusting I look compared to these perfect women.

Lasers, they say. Lasers can help. It costs so much, though, and I don't have that kind of money. I'll save, but, how many beautiful women will he, my love, look at before I have it all saved up? How often will he think about how gross I am? How soon will he leave? And will he be with one of them after he dumped me?

No, I need something quicker. Scars will make the Incisions close, I believe. Scars will make the sponge-skin go away. Scars are cheap. So are razor blades. Cuts are fast. And then, after they heal, I'll be beautiful. I'll have smooth legs too, just like all the pretty girls!

I can be pretty, too