I moved through the doorway, my head inside a hessian bag. It smelled bad. Like dead goats, although I don’t make a habit of smelling dead goats.

“Mind your head,” Brother Tim said, aiming me down the stairs.

It was dawning on me more and more that I was joining a cult, and not the righteous worshippers of the great banana.

Brother Tim was small, slightly orange and beady eyed. Small pockmarks lined his arm in star-like formation.

“Not much further and you will behold the Great Banana.”

I had wondered who that was before the hood. Now I was wondering why it smelt so bad and why such a dramatic entrance into a fruit loving club.

“When you see him, bow your head. Down look at him. Never look at him.” Brother Tim kicked the back of my knees and I sank to the cold floor.

I nodded dumbly as the hood was pulled off. Before me on a giant pallett was a man, or was he an ape? Hairy completely covered his body from toes to head. Big round lidded eyes gouged the banana before him. The smell was incredible and I knew just where the bag had come from.

Five naked ladies held bunches of bananas around him. Offering them every time he finished one, throwing the peel over his shoulder.

“Take the sacred knife and slice your arm. Offer your blood and pledge your servitude.”

As he handed me the banana-handled knife, I thought back about my decision to join, what should have been like-minded people, but ended up to being a cult.

Sweat sprung on my brow as I tried to not look at the grotesque man-ape thingy. The rhythmic slurp of his gorging felt wet in my ears. The thump of banana peels and the smell crept into every orifice.

I pulled the blade across my arm and was surprised when no blood came out. But underneath the skin, something beige and smooth, wiggled. I nearly puked. I pulled it again across the other arm, and saw the same wiggling mass.

Brother Tim sucked in a breath and bowed before me.

“All hail the Great Banana. The chosen One is here!”

Something filled my soul. A withering, silky, fleshy entity. I had eaten my fair share of bananas. More than anyone I knew. More than the man-ape before me.

I had an epiphany. To be the Great Banana, I had to eat the Great Banana.

I rose up and stared at the man-ape. The imposter.

I leaped forward, slid into his mouth. Forced my way down his throat. In the sticky wetness I chewed. Mashed banana and flesh combining in a mixture of flavours.

When I had eaten my way out, Brother Tim came forward and bowed again.

“All hail the Great Banana!”