I practised meditation for most of my life. When I started, it was 20 minutes to an hour at a time. Then, for a few years of doing it, I managed to get about 3 hours at a time.

I wondered why it was considered a spiritual activity. To me, it was nothing more than mindfulness and being present. It seemed that it was in no way spiritual.

I marvelled at the monks that would do it and live their whole lives in a spiritual state. I never really understood why they did it.

I finally understand. I’m dead and lying here in the dark. It’s quiet. There’s nothing to do but wait…forever. I didn’t know this is how it would be; I don’t think anyone ever could. Meditation could never prepare you for this: endless dead silence and stillness.

I don’t know how many years it has been. I don’t know how much longer it will be. I wish I could sleep.