I have made one of the biggest breakthroughs in history. I have cracked the barrier of communication between dogs and humans. For centuries dogs have been our loyal companions. And over many centuries, we have become attuned to them. We know if they are happy or sad just by the tail alone. But we never truly understood what their inner thoughts were.

But I have finally created a device that fits to a dog's collar, and interacts with the brain via electric stimulus, which I will not bore you with the details.

I tested it on my own St Bernard, Keith. I placed the collar around his neck, and for two days nothing happened. But then on the third day, he was showing signs of change. His barks were becoming more human-like. And by day four, he was talking fluent English…

"This collar of yours is marvelous! The language was a little hard to master, but I seem to have grasped it now," Keith said.

I was amazed at how amazingly he spoke. He spoke like a refined English gentleman. At this moment I realized that our perception of a dog's intelligence is wrong. They have just as much intelligence as you or I, and Keith was proof of that.

"Do you have any more of those sausages by chance? I'm quite famished," Keith said, as the drool dribbled from his mouth.

Unfortunately, I did not have any sausages left, Keith had eaten them all.

"Ah, that's quite the misfortune," Keith replied, his saggy face drooping a little more.

I asked Keith a question, a question that has been bugging the shit out of me ever since I first brought him home as a puppy. Something he always did.

Keith always watched the cellar door, and would not let me down there! He was the most friendly dog in the world. But if I tried to go down into the cellar, he would growl at me, and nudge me away. And when I was far enough away, he would jump up at me, and lick my face, covering me in drool.

And finally I had the chance to find out the answer to this question. When I asked him why, his reply terrified me…

"I always did hate having to show aggression towards you. My intention was never to hurt you, but to warn you!"

I was confused by this reply, so I asked…

"Warn me of what?"

Keith walked over to me, and put his face right in front of mine, and looked me in the eyes, before speaking…

"The shadows move down there, and there are voices that whisper terrible things amongst the darkness."