[Diary Entry # 1]

A clown came to visit me last night–as I laid in my bed. He came out of my wardrobe, and introduced himself as, Lumpy. I could see why he had that name, as his face was full of bright red bumps. He said it gets very lonely in the wardrobe, and that we could become best friends.

I'm so excited!

[Diary Entry # 2]

Mum couldn't see Lumpy. He was sitting next to me as I watched SpongeBob in the living room. When I tried to show her, she said I was making it up. When I asked Lumpy why, he told me that only I can see him, because we are special friends. He honked my mother's boobs like horns–she didn't even notice. Then proceeded to pop the bumps on his face like zits–as a spray of pus covered the entire living room. And mum just carried on like normal.

He is so funny!

[Diary Entry # 3]

We killed my cat Minx today. Lumpy told me to make a cross with the old wooden planks in the shed, and we crucified her with some nails from my dad's toolbox. Mum went mad when she found out. She slapped me hard in the face. And sent me to my room. I heard her and dad yelling downstairs. Lumpy found it hysterical. But I didn't like when mum and dad argued.

I'm sad.

[Diary Entry # 4]

Mum took me to see a doctor today. And told him I had an imaginary friend. She also told him about Minx. Lumpy was very angry at my mother for this. He said that they would pump me full of drugs, and make him go away. I didn't want Lumpy to go away. The doctor referred my mother to a child psychologist.

Lumpy said my mother had to pay for what she had done.

[Diary Entry # 5]

Lumpy showed me where my dad hid his hunting knives, and I took one, and went into my parents bedroom, and cut my dad's throat as he slept. Lumpy laughed hysterically. The sound of my father's gargles woke my mother up, she screamed, and tried to wrestle the knife from my hand. But I caught her right under the chin, and impaled her head on the hunting knife like a lollipop. Her body twitched when she dropped to the floor. And Lumpy laid beside her twitching around on the floor jokingly.

It was hilarious!

[Diary Entry # 6]

Social services have moved me in with my nan. The police don't suspect a thing–they believe it was a home invasion. Nan was so distraught that she could not stop crying–mourning the loss of my mother.

Lumpy has now grown tired of her misery. And we have both decided to end the miserable old cunts existence. He showed me how to extract Ricin, and we are going to put it into her morning coffee.

Night night nanny!