I am running out at being terrible at things and this is how I earn a living, by being terrible at things. I got employed by employers to he the worst employee in their office so that they all have someone to blame for not reaching targets and in general just not being a good worker. This always rallied the other workers and made them closer and took the heat off from the managers. Then when that dried up I had to go search for something else to be terrible at. I was disappointed but I was sure that I would find something else.

I met up with a friend who gets employed to be terrible at sex, so people have funny stories to tell other people, about terrible sex experiences. It’s a lucrative section of our business and he is earning a lot of money but I don’t fancy doing that. He told me that instead of being a terrible employee to companies, I should look at being a terrible criminal. Companies these days need all employees to be on the ball due to the economy not doing so well, there is no more patience for bad employees. So I set out to be the terrible criminal.

When I joined a gang and we were getting paid to abduct a rich person, if anything went wrong, I would get the flack. I purposely let our targets go free and when I had to rob a house, it would be the wrong house. This was an even worse idea because now my life is on the line for being a terrible criminal and losing gang leaders money. Now I had to hide and luckily I found a job where I could be a terrible teacher.

All the students hated me and all the other teachers didn’t like me, they all rallied together against me. Then I got fired but couldn’t find another job to be terrible at. Then I got employed by the police to be the worst victim and I got abducted by murderers, but I was causing so much trouble for the killer that he had to let me go. The police also gave me a few weapons to protect myself and by being the worst victim for various deranged sadistic criminals, the police were able to lock up a lot of these guys. Then they didn’t need my services anymore.

I have no idea what else I can be terrible at to earn a living, majority of things you need to be good at things. Then after months of nothing I found a string of work where I am being paid to be a terrible aeroplane pilot and if I survive that, my next job will require me to be a terrible train driver. It’s fantastic.