So two years ago I was walking on a field and there were fences which separated the house gardens to the rest of the field. I found something covered in mud, grass and other plants and it was a door way of some sorts. I went inside and it led me to a cellar under a house. The house belonged to a very old woman who was lonely and whose mind was withering. When she went to bed I came up from the secret cellar and it led me to the kitchen. I quickly got locks to lock the door way on the field and this was my secret place now.

I slept under this woman’s cellar for two years and I finally wanted to somehow live in her house. At first I couldn’t think how I was going to do it but she was a real big fan of the royals, and was looking forward to the platinum jubilee. With her mind not as it was, I thought to myself about a plan to make this old woman think she had summoned me magically. The supposed summoning magic being connected to the queen platinum jubilee and it’s all made up of course. I took pictures of myself and made up something about summoning me by celebrating the queen platinum jubilee with such pride.

When she went to bed I came out of the secret cellar in her kitchen, and I started to stick pictures of myself with the words ‘summon me by celebrating the platinum jubilee’ all over it. The old woman was shocked to find them in the morning but had eventually ignored them. She celebrated the queen’s platinum’s jubilee all on her own and she drank so much, and then I came out of the cellar quietly and when she saw me, she didn’t scream but simply said “I summoned you didn’t l”

She begged me to leave but I kept telling her “you summoned me by celebrating the queen’s platinum jubilee and I did warn you with those pictures” and she put her hands on her mouth. Now I eat her food and sleep in the spare bed all for free of rent and no longer hiding. I still went outside through the secret cellar and she has still not caught on. She literally thinks that she had summoned me through celebrating the platinum jubilee. She has tried throwing holy water at me and other religious relics, none have worked obviously.

She can only blame herself and I have also threatened her that if I leave, she will be tortured.